Me, Mom and Jennifer (my daughter/mom’s granddaughter)
My mom will turn 101 in April. She is an active Centenarian, as well as a Super Ager, (begins at 80), with memory skills of someone who has the cognition of an individual 20 to 30 years younger.
Three questions
Mom is often asked: “What is your secret to being 100 years old and beyond?” She typically replies, “putting one foot in front of the other.” For mom, each day is a new day for opportunity and engagement. As a professional educator, she is always ready to teach, mentor and rejoice in providing new knowledge and connections as well as utilizing information in as many ways as possible. Mom is succinct and focused. She amazes me with her keen ability to write in pencil on a legal pad, the document, letter, paper, etc., in its entirety, and in only one take!
Another question she encounters is: “What has been your greatest achievement?” She has always said it has been having and raising her two children—my older brother, Howard and me.
Here is a third inquiry: “How have you built a fulfilling life?” One of mom’s key answers that learning facts is only part of the process. Learning, to its fullest is applying the knowledge. This has been her journey and ways of fulfillment. I have applied elements I have seen in my mom into my business model, the Three P’s: being purposeful, positive and productive.
Mom’s background and career
How did mom approach her past decade? Although she had studied and written about the 90’s, she was surprised that she lived them. On one hand, she felt privileged to have had these years, yet it was the first time in her life when she felt the side effects of older age that others had felt in their younger years—macular degeneration necessitating treatment and wearing glasses, diminished hearing requiring wearing hearing aids, changes in blood pressure requiring more medications, and so on. These issues became encumbrances to her ease of movement. Other ones included needing a walker and assistance processing information through the aid of devices. But instead of complaining, she used her years of experience developing and implementing grit, resilience and self-motivation to persevere and live life on her terms.
My mom and her two younger brothers were first-generation Americans. They were raised with the understanding that they would go to college—which their parents were unable to do in Europe—and continue to the highest levels of education, which resulted in all obtaining PhDs. Due to the tragic passing of mom’s first husband, Jack, from a heart condition, at the young age of 47, and then her second husband, Marvin, from a rare neurological disease at 57, she became a widow twice and the sole parent and source of income, which delayed her PhD pursuit until after retirement and following her second husband’s passing.
The two-generation bond between my mom and me became a three-generation connection when my daughter was only four years old and decided she wanted to become a doctor. In doing so, she did not know that she was fulfilling the ambitions of her grandmother and mother, which was the calling both my mother and I had yearned to accomplish in our younger years.
While an undergraduate student at Syracuse University, (and being away from my parents), I reflected upon what made my mom a strong, female role model and successful in creating and meeting her goals, while also continuing to be a central family member for our family and her parents and brothers. First, I realized she was a master at setting objectives, achieving them and then every seven to ten years, reinventing herself with new or broader goals. She was always, and continues to be, an educator, academic and passion-driven lady.
Something else that helped the grit and resilience to face challenges: Mom graduated from high school at the age of 16 because she skipped one of her elementary school grades, went to college, graduated and applied to medical schools. As a woman from a poor family, however, she was blocked from gaining an acceptance. Instead, she turned to education and became an elementary and junior high school English teacher, and then a reading specialist. She expanded her expertise with a Master’s Degree that resulted in a salary increase. Being a teacher allowed mom to spend summers with us in New York bungalow colonies or accompanying her to college campuses while she took classes there.
Soon after my mother’s second husband passed away, she pursued another passion—for travel—fulfilling her desire to interact with other cultures, learn from them and have fun with others who also aspired to journey-seeking. Among the places she visited were Wyoming, which was the most magical for her; Tanglewood, MA in the summers, for the music while staying in a senior living community where she made friends who were from all over the country; and, Australia and New Zealand for a sabbatical—she loved the relaxed culture and would have stayed except she wanted to go home to be with her family. Upon returning to Florida, where she had been living for a number of years, she ventured into another experience, ballroom dancing. She was out almost every night for a few years, with many new friends and the excitement of excelling at this type of dancing with a variety of partners!
A PhD in her 70s
When mom was in her mid-70’s and had having accomplished many of her aspirations, she decided to work on a PhD. Mom had started the process when her first husband was still alive, but his passing detoured her pursuit because she became the sole earner to continue raising my brother, (starting his first year of college), and me, (entering my senior year of high school). Ultimately, at the age of 77, she received her PhD in Lifelong Learning.
New business partnership
Once again, mom expanded her horizon, now applying her PhD and her understanding through research of and her experience with the aging process, to begin a business partnership with me. We started developing a nonprofit resource center for older adults who needed guidance and access to data, agencies, etc., to live longer, healthier and more productive lives with new jobs, aging in place homes, added responsibilities of becoming caregivers to their parents, etc. The project fell away as large organizations and companies were already building this platform. It did, however, convince me that I needed to become better educated in this burgeoning field of aging, which led me to earn a Master’s Degree in Gerontology.
While all these experiences were occurring, Mom enjoyed buying a house, decorating it, selling it and taking the profit toward buying a future home. When she was 93, Mom realized she was no longer comfortable to be driving at night and needed to have socializing within a senior living community. During her PhD research years, she discovered that the best scenario for her was a Continued Care Retirement Community (CCRC) in the same area where she had been living.
In her first year in the community, (2018), mom and I began a new activity, Motivational Talks, working with a committee of residents. It became a successful one-hour, bi-monthly meeting until March 2020, when Covid ended group gatherings. The last presentation was our first intergenerational talk with Lynn University undergraduate students. It was another dynamic success for fellow residents, with the additional component of an intergenerational experience.
Since then, residents have asked mom to restart the program. Last Fall, we relaunched the concept with the name, Inspiring Talks. For now, the sessions are monthly and once again, well-attended, with engaging conversations following a 30-minute presentation. The residents who are well-traveled and educated, thirst for captivating topics to listen to and then be engaged in a follow-up discussion.
Who knows what is next? The opportunities will show up as they always do! Examples of them can be seen in the film, Lives Well Lived, written and directed by my colleague, Sky Bergman. (https://www.lives-well-lived.com)
The love bond and learning between mother and daughter comes in endless ways, evolves over time and is filled with dynamic and appreciated surprises. Later in life, there are nuances of learning and connection, as well as dramatic medical and behavioral changes which require adjustments from both of us. We continue to live by the Latin phrase, Carpe Diem!
By Sharon Rose
